How to Make a Ginger Snap in March: A Step-by-Step Recipe

Aerin O'Brien ’26 Assistant Op/Ed Editor and Winter Szarabajka ’27 Assistant Op/Ed Editor

“People who haven’t red hair don’t know what trouble is,” Anne Shirley of Green Gables famously lamented. Unable to blend in, impossible to ignore, we Gingers have been victims of persecution, witch-hunts and ridiculous stereotypes since the beginning of time.

Although we don’t have to worry about being physically burnt to death anymore, we certainly still get flamed. Language and behavior that would right- fully be considered unacceptable – when aimed at anyone else – is considered perfectly fine when directed towards redheads. Taunted just for our random draw in the genetic lottery, we endure the teasing year-round. But, in March, leading up to St. Patrick’s Day, we redheads brace ourselves for the peak of Ginger jokes. So, to help everyone get it out of their system early, we came up with a helpful, step-by-step recipe on how to make a Ginger snap. In a large bowl of envy for our standout looks, mix in a bit of ignorance, a dash of stale stereotypes and add: 1 cup of mentioning the potato famine

We know that everyone wants to be a little bit Irish on St. Patrick’s Day and we like potatoes just fine, but most of us aren’t Irish at all! Historically, Scotland is actually home to the most redheads, so maybe you should question why we aren’t wearing kilts instead of harassing us when we’re within three feet of a potato. 3 tablespoons of leprechaun jokes.

Like we said above, most of us are not even Irish, we do not live under a rainbow, we do not have a pot of gold, we are not going to do a jig on command, we aren’t mischievous (mostly), and we won’t pinch you if you don’t wear green. We are actually terrified of wearing any shade of green in March, fearing these ridiculous allegations. 1 pinch of questioning if our hair is natural.

No, of course not! Our natural hair is actually the most beautiful shade of glossy blonde, we just dye our hair this color in hopes that someone will make fun of us for it! Do you randomly walk up to blondes and ask if their hair is natural? Of course not, because that would just be rude. Well, let us let you in on a little secret, WAY more people dye their hair blonde than red, and at some point it’s just offensive. Speaking of dying your hair, do not forget the crucial ingredient of: 1 tablespoon of calling us “carrot top”

First of all, we think you’ll find the top of a carrot is actually green. Secondly, have we really come so far as to directly compare nearly eighty million people to a vegetable?! 2 teaspoons of referencing that South Park episode Yes, we’ve seen it. And it was really funny after we figured out how to make the tears stop streaming down our freckled faces. For those gingers who are blissfully unaware of this reference, the episode in Season 9 entitled “Ginger Kids” opens with fourth-grade Cartman’s presentation to the class detailing his vendetta against Gingers, who he claims are afflicted by a disease called “Gingervitus.” However after a sudden onset of the supposed illness, Cartman leads a revolt protesting discrimination against redheads that literally leads to a worldwide apocalypse. Ultimately, the episode’s minor commentary on society’s retribution of Gingers is reduced by its relentless mockery, especially as a fake redhead “saves” the Gingers of the world by going blonde. Considering that the episode allegedly led to the creation of “Kick a Ginger Day” in England, it’s safe to say that no red head wants to hear a joke from South Park ever again. 3 cups of referring to us as Ed Sheeran

Calling everyone with red hair “Ed Sheeran” is like calling everyone with glasses “Harry Potter”-- sure, they might share a feature, but that doesn’t mean that they’re going to start casting spells out of the blue. So we’ll save you the trouble and just tell you now that we’re not going to spontaneously put on a British accent and burst into singing “Perfect” on first demand. 1.5 oz of mistaking us for another ginger

If we had a dime for every time we’ve been mistaken for another redhead, maybe the pot of gold allegations would be true. It happens all the time with teachers, friends and even parents. Whether it’s a call across the quad with the wrong name or an approach from behind with another person in mind, this is something almost all redheads have experienced. We walk in fear of being mistaken for Mr. Young and asked for Chemistry help. Bake at 666 degrees and accuse us of not having a soul

I know we’re really into ‘retro’ and ‘vintage’ styles these days, but bringing back trends from the 1600s? That seems like a step too far. Leave to cool and serve with mentions of sunscreen

We will admit that it’s a sad truth that even with the lowest UV index, our skin can turn even redder than our hair! But we really don’t need the reminders, it’s hard enough to see most people walking around all summer with a beautiful tan while we have a red and white striped candy cane look going on.

Being a redhead isn’t all sunshine and rainbows—mostly because we’ll just burn up in the sun and need four bottles of sunscreen to survive it. It comes with its own unique set of challenges—like constantly being mistaken for someone else, and of course the yearly wave of references to leprechauns. But despite all the teasing and sunscreen stockpiling, we wouldn’t trade our fiery hair for anything. So next time you see a Ginger, instead of questioning whether we’re secretly Ed Sheeran or asking if we’re afraid of potatoes, just remember: we may have developed thick skin, but if you push us, we’ll snap.

Back

online edition

The Student Newspaper of Hopkins School

How to Make a Ginger Snap in March: A Step-by-Step Recipe